I remember the day of his passing very clearly. I had arrived on shift that morning and I saw that his family were in with him. This is usually a sign that it is near the end. I went about my duties and by 8am he had passed. His family stayed with him for twenty minutes before telling us he had died.
I guess you get caught up in the moment and time passes so slowly. Everything in that room would have come to a stand still and the only thing that mattered was them and their father. It is their right to address his death how ever they wish and we respected that, so we waited for them to leave before we carried out last offices.
I was asked by the ward sister if I would like to help. I was a bit unsure but I thought that now was as good a time as any to get stuck in. So we collected our equipment and in we went.
I spent the first 5 minutes staring at his chest. It did not rise, it did not fall. He was yellowing all over except for a pool of pink down the posterior portion of his body. He was no longer making a sound, just the occasional movement of air that escaped his lifeless body. his mouth was wide open, I will never forget that.
The rest of my shift was done in near silence, with precision and full concentration. I didn't have time to focus on anything else. If my mind slipped I would be thinking about him. How he looked, so lifeless and cold. My emotions would well up and I would be of no use to any one.
You have to rationalise death. Consider the suffering before the event and then put it into perspective. This human being is no longer in pain, no longer wishing to die. They can pass on into the next life and join loved ones in a place of tranquility and happiness. The family left behind can remember them for who they were and not for how they were in hospital. Life will carry on.
This is just how I deal with it. Its sad, of course it is. Sometimes I do think about it again, but you learn. You come to terms with it.
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