It is not very often that I get to write in this blog. Occasionally I will get the inkling to write something deep and profound but I just can't seem to find the words. Instead, this time I am just going to write about how my life stands right this very moment; and I apologise in advance if it is not as glamorous as it should be!
To begin with I have started my final year of nursing *round of applause*. This excites me and scares me all at the same time which is a new experience. I suppose the thought of finally being responsible for all those patients and to a greater extent, myself, is a thought that fills me with dread. (I get an odd lingering bubbly feeling in the pit of my stomach even as I am writing this!) What excites me is that when I qualify it will be the time my life begins. I don't know where that will take me but I am looking forward to the adventure.
In other areas I am still having a constant battle with who I am and who I want to be, not to mention who everyone else wants me to be! Sometimes, being yourself just isn't enough and most of us find this out the hard way. My family struggle to see where my 'caring' gene came from so I am the black sheep of the bunch. Although I am there for all of them 24/7, this kind of unconditional love for my family is very rarely returned which I am still struggling to get used to. However, I am learning to walk alone.
Boys. What can I say about boys. Well, to be honest I think I would rather do without boys in my life. They make things so complicated and they make you cry. Often it is their fault which they will never admit to and I am left taking full responsibility and feeling like I'm doing everything wrong. The truth is, I have done nothing wrong and have been nothing but nice to them. My current partner would not agree with this!
Ultimately I am having a good time. I am looking forward to a good year and hopefully this time next year I will blog about being a qualified Nurse!
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You may find that wondering who you are and want to be will be with you for many years but at least you are treading a path towards somewhere. You can always change direction but at least you have direction.
ReplyDeleteThat sounded a lot better in my head! *adds you to google reader*
This post is a more positive than some of the others you've posted and thats a good thing! Glad you are enjoying nursing because if you dont it will destroy you with the hours and the pressures. As for boys! Well, we cant help it really! My wife wrote a poem for a friend who was struggling in her relationship with a new guy after letting a decent guy go because family didnt think he was right for her,and as im quite proud of my wifes writing I'm going to post it here for you to read!
ReplyDeleteThe One.
The one is the man that you dont know is there,
he holds back your hair when you just dont care,
he puts you to bed when you feel so unwell,
he may not be young, he may not be old,
he may be short, ugly or tall,
he isnt the one others think he should be,
friends arent keen, parents arent sure,
theres no one you'll find who will love you more,
he may not be here, a long way to there,
miles mean nothing, he will walk them to you,
he gives up his life, his home and his friends,
he basks in your glory, wants none for himself,
he kisses your lips when you are grumpy,
when you feel, fat tired and grumpy, smelly and sweaty,
you are beautiful to him however you feel,
you laugh till you cry as you cuddle and talk,
he holds your hand tight when you walk,
your faults are why he loves you as he battles with his own,
this is the man that is the one,
but when you turn round you find he is gone.......
The end is a bit sad but thats not the point, if you can find a guy that does all those things then you have found the right one is the gist of it. Hope that helps to make things clearer. Rob