Today I found myself feeling a bit like Eeyore. Sat under a dirty great big cloud that just rained on me all day. I am unable to pin point what exactly is making me feel like this. Some people can say 'I lost my job' or 'There was a death in the family', but I am unable to give such simple and easy to figure out excuses. Instead I am stuck in a bubble of confusion and chaos, not quite knowing how I feel about anything. Most of the time I am 'OK', I am able to function and get on with things, but then there are times when I could just find the highest point and scream at the top of my lungs. It is these times when I experience the most immense feeling of frustration. Most of the time for quite trivial reasons, but then other times it is because I have enclosed myself into a false sense of truth. I make accusations, I call everyone a liar and worst of all I push everyone away; usually the people I care most about. I am mature enough now to know that a lot of it originates from my childhood but then also from what I've been through as an adult. I am only in my early twenties but I already feel like I have lived a lifetime.
I tried to make some choices today but I found myself going around in circles unable to find the right answers. I made a few phone calls about jobs, accommodation, further education etc and I have come out the other side none the wiser.
I just don't quite know what to do with myself.
I have no first hand experience of depression so I can only guess how you feel. Find the positives in your life and focus on them whatever they maybe, everyone has things in their life that make them happy be it a hobby or a partner, a goal you want to acheive or just a good friend who will listen when you talk. Remember the last time you laughed till you cried and why and try and make that happen again. Hope that helps. Rob.
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