Humiliation

So, I have now been qualified for four months *hurray*. I have managed to acquire myself a post on a medical ward at my host trust. It meant that I didn't have to go through the trouble of joining a new hospital and having to learn how everything works. At least with this post all I really have to learn is how to be a nurse all over again.

After three days trust induction and a week of supernumerary status I was thrown out on to the ward looking after ten patients all on my own. Scary huh? I can tell you that I have never been more scared in all my life, and to top it off I think it showed. For the first time after three years of training I realised just how much I still had left to learn. I managed to finish my first shift without losing anyone off the ward, killing anyone or bursting into tears at inappropriate moments. So I suppose, all in all it wasn't too bad.

Now that I am nine weeks in I have endured the niceties that are usually dished out for the new staff and am now having to work for praise. For a little while I felt victimised and was assured by other nurses that it was a right of passage, but how far do you allow it to go before you start fighting back?

For example; A patient of mine was medically fit for discharge and was due to go home at 10.00am. I had completed her discharge papers, given her the medications she was due to take home and had wished her all the luck for the future. Several hours later when I was assisting another patient I was approached by the junior sister of the ward. She approached me with a face like thunder, papers in hand;

'In future you have to take observations of patients going home otherwise it looks bad on us'

'But she was medically fit for discharge and left at 10.00...'

'Just do it in future ok?'

Now, do not get me wrong, I take criticism as good as the next person but in this instance I was assisting another patient and there were relatives present. Needless to say I was left standing there in complete shock and embarrassment. I am 22 and have worked hard to be a Nurse this means that I must display an air of confidence in order to prove to people that I am not just a kid playing at being a nurse looking after their ninety year old relative. This stuff is REAL. I have to fight for respect from relatives, and then work damn hard to keep it.

I had to leave the ward and find a nice quiet store room where I wouldn't be disturbed so I could cry a little then go back and resume normal duties. Rightly or wrongly I did not deserve that kind of public humiliation and sadly it is not the only time the junior sister has done it to me. This particular member of staff has been reported by other nurses for the same reasons and yet she is still allowed to be in this position of power dictating to and humiliating other staff.

I wish that the system was more open to whistle blowing because this kind of nursing is not what I signed up for.

On The Road

After many years of hard work I have finally qualified to work on the ambulances. Albeit in a voluntary capacity but its all pretty exciting all the same.

I went out on an ambulance for the first time as an ETA last weekend. 2 night shifts were ahead of me and I remember hoping that nothing bad would happen. Luckily for me, nothing did on the first night. We had a steady stream on granny runs mixed in with 'so you called us to help you into bed?' type jobs.

The difficult night was on Saturday when I was working with a crew who were, shall we say, a little difficult. I was banished to third manning which was not the original plan and then only called upon when the patient was particularly difficult. By difficult I mean smelly or incontinent. This infuriates me because does anyone really like doing those jobs? I will be forward enough to say No but surely we are not there to judge but to help and support them in the best possible way? Dirty or not these people need our help.

The young lady I was working with also felt the need to talk over me at every god given opportunity whilst I was assessing the patient. She then proceeded to discharge the patient from our care without consulting me or control. Then when I challenged her on this once the patient had left she just simply said 'she doesn't deserve it'...

There are thousands of ambulance staff on our roads doing a fantastic job, I dread to think how many of those road staff share this kind of attitude!

Scary

I am getting closer to the end of my Diploma which is scaring the bejeesus out of me. The majority of the time I am quite excited about gaining my registration and becoming an autonomous practitioner. However, the rest of the time I just want to hide away and continue to use my; 'but I am supernumerary, I'm a student' excuse.

I have passed my exams and I have just one essay left to complete. Then I could be coming to a hospital near you. Watch out!

Better late than never

Wow, somehow I have managed to miss Christmas and the New Year on here. So Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!!